Sometimes extreme indecisiveness occurs in the most unexplainable moments. Decisions that should be a no-brainer, eat away at us, tear us apart, and make us doubt everything in your mind saying ¨yes, do it.¨ It is that battle between those two talking little people on your shoulders telling you what you should or shouldn´t do.
I recently found myself in this state of severe indecisiveness. After all, it was a very ´big´ decision.
You see, I´ve been in site now for a year in a half. I live a pretty simple life in my little apartment, and somehow always manage to completely forget about all those modern technologies that make life just a little easier. I mean after all laundry is a two day chore, with my bar of soap, bucket, and scrub brush. Killing spiders and other insects is also a normal Sunday afternoon chore. So, when it came to making two little purchases I was completely torn.
My site is hot, really hot. And right now we are in the middle of hot season, meaning unbearably hot. A year ago, I found a half-broken fan that a neighbor was throwing out. I decided hey it still blows air so vale, that´s good enough. For the last year, my fan has been propped up by a book, held down by a jenga game and still only blows air to the ground. But on the bright side, it is circulating air in my apartment at least. When my dad came to visit he left me money to buy a real fan, but I couldn´t get myself to do, make the investment on a new fan when technically I have one that still turns on at least. Then, a month ago, my fan decided it wanted to die, literally. Three nights in a row the fan would just tumble off of its chair and startle me in the middle of the night.
This same week I had another major issue arise in my apartment. You see I´m a bit of a coffee addict, without coffee the day just doesn’t start. When I first moved into my apartment I had this cheap $2 coffee dripper. It was a tedious process, usually taking me 30 minutes just to make my two weak cups of coffee. After a few months with this, I finally invested in a $15 French press, and loved every sip of that coffee. Recently though after haven just washed my dishes and set them on the counter to dry, I picked up my electric mosquito-killing racket and went at it with some flies. Trust me, playing tennis with an electric racket is even better than playing tennis on wii, not only do you always win against the insects but you get to hear that gratifying zing when you get one. I must have gotten carried away though, because next thing you know the racket hit a pot, the pot fell and knocked over a plate, and that bumped my French press right off the counter. There is was, shattered. I was devastated. Now, back to using that weak little coffee dripper. For two weeks I would spend 30 minutes preparing and cleaning up after the coffee dripper, only to still have coffee cravings after drinking my morning coffee. It was clear it was not going to cut it.
What now? I decided it was time to go into the stores in Machala and make some investments. So another volunteer close by and I headed to Shopping, a little mall in Machala. I thought for sure they´d have a French press. But no luck. They did however have a coffee pot and a little fan that I´d be able to get back to my site. I stood and stared at these two beautiful pieces of technology for a good couple of minutes thinking should I or shouldn’t I. I really don’t know why it was such a hard decision. A working fan for $23 and a real coffee pot for $26. I could afford it, and they would make a world of difference in my apartment. But there was this guilt factor, I´m a Peace Corps volunteer. Should I really own a coffee pot and a new fan? And is it worth the investment when I´m already half way done with my service? It is funny how after not having these things for some time, they became this idealized luxury that seemed too extravagant to own. Before coming to the peace corps I probably never thought twice about my coffee pot in my college dorm. Now, the decision to buy one was tearing me apart.
To buy or not to buy?
One hour later, after a walk through the entire mall, I returned to the food store and starred at both items again. Ok, I will buy the fan, but maybe I should hold off on the coffee pot? Oh I don’t know, I need more time.
Another hour later, after a lunch in the food court and consulting two peace corps volunteers, I finally returned to the store and bought both items. Up until I walked out of shopping and traveled the hour back to my site, the battle between those two little people talking on my shoulders continued. But as soon as I walked in the door, plugged in my new fan, and made a fresh pot of coffee, I knew I had made a good decision and two great investments. No more 30 minutes for making coffee or being drenched in sweat every time I sit in my apartment. Now, I get up in the morning turn off my fan, turn on my coffee pot, and the day just seems to start a little brighter.
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